A Single Southern Guy In America

January 21, 2005

Well, Shee-hattttt. He Insulted Jawja Bloggers!

(Disclaimer: All the following is said in jest and good fun as a jolly effort to poke fun at those who poked fun at my original fun poking. We don't want to start an all out East Coast-West Coast style fizzzz-ighht. Or something.)

UPDATE: Now Mox has something to say.

I'm not sure how much of Steve's reply to my compare and contrast of blogger meets was good natured fun and how much of it was a typical liberal (heh.) way of looking down their noses at red meat red staters. Gosh, he even goes so far as to say he's going to fisk my comparative piece by introducing additional information. Whatever. He hails from Coral Gables and offers this challenge:

If you seriously feel like you want to throw down, I'll get my team together and we'll embarrass you by roasting a pig and following up with thirty or forty pounds of peach cobbler. In other words, by fixing a typical ManCamp lunch.


I'll repeat what I said in the previous post--

In any event, I'd like to extend a warm invitation for any or all of them to join the Jawja bloggers at the next meet, April 15 and 16, on Jekyll Island. It's the Wreckyll in Jekyll aka the "Georgia Writers Workshop."

For my fellow Jawja Bloggers, I'll just include some of the more offending phrases with a minimum of commentary.

Okay, first of all...STRAW MAN! This was a birthday party, not a blogger meeting. You could tell it wasn't a blogger meeting because NO ONE WAS SPEAKING ELVISH OR KLINGON, and several of the people there weren't virgins.

Blah, blah, blah. Our last meet was for a birthday party for my blog-sis Kelley, in Athens. No, no, no. Athens, GEORGIA. Oh and there were absolutely no virgins at our blog meet. Some of them even have kids. Unfortunately...

Nachos, wow. Yeah, I had some of those. The last time I went to TARGET.

That's that fancy kind of store they have in big cities that people who look down their nose at Wal-Mart go to shop, right? Forgive my ignorance, but they don't open stores in little towns. Though I hear you can get the Blue Collar Comedy Tour DVD at Targets.

Is that where you got yours, or did you go all-out and make Old El Paso, with cheese from a can?

Bless you're heart. (That's a Southern code, by the way). All self-respecting Southerners know that if you're going to combine chips and some kind of home made cheese dip, it's never Old El Paso. We always make Rotel.

My drinking started with the Champagne for the chicken. Then I had a rather large, perfectly prepared vodka Martini. Then came the beers. Your best was Newcastle? Hell, we never got that desperate. Aaron brought items like Ommegang and Pirate Ale. We shared a really excellent barleywine, one glass of which is equivalent to a crate of Newcastle. There was no PBR on hand, but after we drank the REAL beer, we passed something highly similar to PBR.

I don't actually know what all I drank. I think that proves I did fine.

Well, this report does seem to defend their honor much more honorably than earlier reports. I'm still not sure what "Ommegang" and "Pirate Ale" is, but I have an itch that they're like low-grade Shiner Bock. Still, I'm curious as to how anyone would now that what they passed tasted like PBR.

We didn't have any peach brandy, on account of none of us are still in high school or engaged in the kind of prostitution that involves the bartering of food stamps.

Let's say it again. HOMEMADE peach brandy. I'm not sure what he's talking about because I didn't drink in high school. But from all reports of the HOMEMADE peach brandy, it was strong enough to put hair on a woman's chest. Thankfully, none of our ladies drank any of it.

Oh, and there's still no answer to the corn likker aka moonshine aka white lightning.

It's not really fair to fault us for playing with cats, as there were quite a few women and gay men at the party. With a guest list like that, cat play was inevitable.

Uhmmm, yeah.

As for renting guns, well, I thought that was smarter than putting my Desert Eagle or Glocks or .357 or other guns in my carry-on.

Uhmmm, yeah. They don't let you do that anymore. Unless you're a federal air marshal or something. Good life decision.

And as for the stuffed doll, you're just jealous because you were at home watching roller derby on a borrowed TV while the Bill Clinton doll was sitting poolside, nestled in Mox's still-wet cleavage.

Roller Derby? Do share as I'm not real familiar with the phrase. As for the BC doll and Mox--I can't believe you would ever attack her integrity in such a way. Mox is much more of a lady than that.

If you can, without getting in trouble with the management of the trailer park.

Now, now. You've got to quit acting like such an elitist, John Kerry liberal. Now, I've never lived in a trailer or a trailer park, but some of my best friends have. I do wonder what kind of housing folks who live in trailers would 'enjoy' if it were not for trailers. That and what tornadoes would eat, if there were no trailers....

...and we'll embarrass you by roasting a pig and following up with thirty or forty pounds of peach cobbler.

Make that 10 0f apple, 10 of blackberry, and 10 of peach cobbler and you're on! Don't forget the tater salad, cole slaw, shrimp and grits, and...never mind, I'll just send you a list. That or you can visit a Baptist church fellowship (also known as a potluck) and get a good idea from there.

Posted by Adam H at January 21, 2005 04:56 PM ~ Link Cosmos | Trackbacks (2)
Gut Rumbles linked with give 'em hell!
moxie linked with still sobbing quietly

Liberal? LIBERAL?

I know schools are bad in Georgia, but even Georgians should be able to read well enough to realize that I am not a liberal.

Posted by: Steve H. at January 22, 2005 01:48 PM

I love a good e-fight!

Posted by: mandy at January 23, 2005 01:29 PM
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The epic ramblings of a young professional in the South in his Quixote-like quest to find ''the One.''


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Well, Shee-hattttt. He Insulted Jawja Bloggers!