A Single Southern Guy in America

August 12, 2004

Turning The (water) Tables

Many of you have been there. You've gone to the lake or river and you're back there behind the boat skiing or riding a tube. At some point, somebody in the boat stands up, looks back at you, beckons you to wave and smile so they can take a picture with a camera that doesn't zoom. Invariably, the picture is developed and it is a fine example of someone barely recognizable at the end of a 50 foot rope frantically waving with one arm like Forrest Gump in the meek hope that it will look like their arm when the picture comes out. In the meantime, the skiier fails to notice the sneaky little wave from the wake of another boat and has now found themselves off balance. The wave catches the ski and someone else in the boat has a video camera where they are recodring the greatest water skiing wipeouts of all time. You make the hall of fame with the fourth best wipeout of all time. You want justice.

It all started when I was a groomsman in my buddy EK's wedding last June. I had a couple of disposable cameras so we could capture all of the the behind the scenes action of the wedding. For some odd reason, I slipped one in my tuxedo when they called the boys out for pictures. We're all lined up smiling cheesily and making stupid jokes that seem rather funny at the time (ever thought about having a midget in your wedding?). And then it dawns on me--let's give this photographer a little taste of her own medicine. I slip the camera out of my pocket, charge up the flash, and before anyone can move or react, snap a picture of the wedding photographer. If you want to see a doe in the headlights look just give that trick a try. And after all, how many people capture the moment when you're all lining up for pics from the perspective of the photographed? I know one bridal party that does. But I digress.

So the occasion was my brother and sister-in-law's from Sedona, AZ, visit to the dad side of the family. Dad lives on Lake Hamilton near Hot Springs, Arkansas. He bought this party barge (also known as a pontoon boat) and had never attempted to pull a skiier. My answer (as always) was, "I'm your huckleberry." Of course, I had a secret plan. I knew there'd be no problem with me getting up behind the pontoon--after you've skiied behind a johnboat on the Current River there's little doubt in your skull (or much else). My plan was to exact justice for every person ever compelled to wave for a camera on the boat for a picture that is not going to be very good and then wiped out. I was going to make someone on the boat wave like Forrest Gump.

The evidence my gentle readers (clickable thumbnails as usual)~~

At first, I couldn't get a good angle and had a little trouble compelling them to wave like Forrest Gump. I think perhaps they were still a little confused about the notion that I was taking pictures from the end of rope while water skiing. I decided to ease out of the wake to the left and get an angle on the front of the boat. I put my right foot down and leaned left.

I'll be damned. Now they were just pointing at me. I imagine the conversation went something like this:

What's he got?

I think it's a camera.

Where did he get that at?

I guess he found it while he was out there skiing and picked it up.

No, No, No. I saw him put it in his bag this morning.

Well, what's he doing with it out there?

Taking pictures, dummy.

Do you think it's waterproof?

I decided I'd better move to the other side of the boat. No one having that conversation is going to wave like Forrest Gump (though they might have a long talk with him). I put my left foot down and leaned to the right.

And, at last, my dear brother, the football coach and recent immigrant to Arizona from Arkansas never lets me down. That beige blob with the beige tentacle raised over its head in the right front of the boat is my brother giving me the ole Gump wave. Justice at last!

Of course, I quickly put the camera back in my pocket. I didn't want to wipeout and ruin everything.

Posted by Adam H at August 12, 2004 10:53 AM ~ Link Cosmos | Trackbacks (0)

Comments

Good Lord, it's about damn time! We were starting to wonder if you weren't making these trips up!

Posted by: rachel at August 12, 2004 12:07 PM