A Single Southern Guy in America

July 22, 2004

Shiner Luau Chicken

Seeing as how I needed a bit of downtime tonight and I'm just a bit hungry, couple that with an overwhelming need to be creative, I've decided to make up a new recipe (wish me luck).

In any event, we'll blog the process and hope it all comes out alright. So, here's where we are so far--

Take a one quart Ziploc bag and put three good sized boneless, skinless, non-dropkicked chicken breasts inside (mine were Tyson).

Open one 12 oz. cold bottle of Shiner Bock. Take a sip.

Pour a little over a third of the bottle over the chicken in the bag. Set the Shiner Bock down, sir. You can finish it later when you're writing about the new recipe.

Break out the Cavender's seasoning and apply liberally on the chicken and Shiner.

Pour a generous (probably an ounce or two) of Lawry's 30 minute Hawaiian marinade onto the chicken.

Splash the mix with lemon juice.

Drop a few dashes of worcestershire sauce in to the mix (not too much! you really can overpower the other stuff.)

Go ahead and hit it with a few more generous dashes of Cavendar's.

Seal up the Ziploc bag getting most of the air out. Fumble with it bit to mix the concoction up a bit. Set the bag in the fridge and go outside and light the charcoal.

Charcoal's lit, so go inside and write about the experiment in Shiner Luau Chicken so far. When you're finished, you should have a bout 15 minutes more time before the marinade is good and ready. Get up, check the charcoal, and fumble with the bag a little more.

Re-light the charcoal. Consider getting the address off the bag and filing a lawsuit for untruthful advertising for claiming to be quick lighting.

Re-light the charcoal. Marvel at the idea of how fast any number of forest wildfires are spreading.

Re-light the charcoal. Remember and consider the "redneck microwave."

Re-light the charcoal. Try not to wonder about masculinity about not being able to get the charcoal started.

Re-light the charcoal. Think about Eddie Murphy story about Uncle Gus making a fire with gasoline.

Re-light the charcoal. Consider where the lawnmower gas is in the garage.

Re-light the charcoal. Remember that when continually dousing the slow lighting charcoal with potent lighter fluid the importance of a boxer's hand speed. Marvel that there ae still hairs on forearms, eyebrows, and head.

Make a miniature johnboat out of aluminum foil big enough to hold it's three passengers (three chicken breasts).

Celebrate the lighting of charcoal, AT LAST! Close the cover, let the rest of the charcoal light.

Place the aluminum foil john boat on the grill (you should have replaced the grill over the coals by now).

Take the bag o' chicken with all marinade and seasonings and pour it into the aluminum foil johnboat. Close the cover. You've got a few bottle rockets left over from the Fourth. Shoot them. Then watch some television.

Check on the chicken during commercial breaks. If your charcoal is as inept as mine, let it go for a while. Turn it occasionally. If there are small bubbles from a slight boil, count yourself lucky. Also, you should know that you will have a very juicy and moist chicken breast when the time comes. The time comes when you get SO hungry that you pull the chicken and choke it down (not there...yet).

Finally, when the chicken is throughly cooked in the aluminum johnboat, take each piece out for just a few minutes to grill over the open coals (that will seal a lot of the juices in). Remove from the grill and enjoy!

Finally, when you have completed the cooking and the eating, do not under any circumstance stuff this recipe in your go-go boots.

Posted by Adam H at July 22, 2004 06:23 PM ~ Link Cosmos | Trackbacks (0)

Comments

Sounds great, but please get a gas grill, ok? Be thankful you can get Shiner beer - I get completely blank stares from clerks here if I as for anyhting other than Coors, Budweiser, or Miller variants...

Posted by: Aaron Meck at July 26, 2004 07:33 PM