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February 24, 2004The Marrying LawAs I look across the blogging world today and the news sites, the big buzz is Bush's support for a constitutional amendment to ban same sex marriages. It has cost him the support of at least one former supporter, and the stance looks to further polarize the electorate as we switch gears into a fully engaged presidential campaign. Tepper also asks if anyone can make a case of the 14th Amendment trumping the gay marriage ban amendment. I am certainly glad he has brought that point up. While phone banking Oklahoma voters for the Clark campaign, I decided to take a moment and call some family there. The issue of gay marriage was brought up. As we like to say down here, they were "a'gin it." I immediately noted that under the Equal Protection clause the courts were sure to make it legal, legislation not withstanding. In any event, since this appears to be the topic du jour, I would offer up humbly what I have said about marriage previously. Last August, I weighed in on the subject. My thoughts on True Marriage can be found in the archives here or reprinted in its entirety in the extended entry. Hat tip to Kelley for the link to Dave's post. True Marriage It only seems fitting for the Single Guy In The South to weigh in on his concept of marriage. My viewpoint may be a bit shocking initially considering my proclivity for traditional mores such as Southern Belles and gentlemen. However, your humble correspondent hails from a broken home. The home in which I was raised until its sad shattering was anchored in the bedrock of traditional values of family and marriage. Like a collapsing ice shelf of a glacier, the family and traditions I was raised to swear allegiance to came crashing into an abyss. My orderly belief system fell into the oceans of the generation of divorce was compelled to reshape itself into something that was the same at the core, yet unrecognizable to those who knew it before. Understandably, my thoughts and beliefs on the institution of marriage changed. In many ways, they changed for me to make sense of the bizarre world I unwillingly had entered. A new framework, a new understanding, a new thought process was necessary for me to continue functioning. During this time, I turned to God and the Bible, to my role models, to my inner soul to determine what I was to believe. I read voraciously. I talked at length to with my role models. Between tears and anger, I meditated for untold hours about the demise of my parents’ marriage. I searched my soul. I arrived at an answer. Marriage is more—much more—than its modern construction. Marriage as we legally know it is little more than a signed piece of paper, normally accompanied by a pair or three rings. It is merely a legally binding contract that requires certain obligations from each party to the agreement. It is cold, it is calculable, robotic, and dead to the heart and soul. Worse yet, it is easy to get married. It is convenient. You can be married tomorrow if you’d like. Entering into marriage is only slightly more complicated than making multiple orders at Taco Bell. Preparing frozen lasagna in a microwave may be slightly more difficult. A true marriage is altogether different. True marriages may have the same trappings—a piece of paper, rings, a shared domicile—but they own something special that such adornments could never capture or define. True marriages eclipse these legal and symbolic norms. Did Adam and Eve have rings? Did they have a signed piece of paper to show Cain and Abel that they were married? Was there a ceremony in a holy place with a minister or at a courthouse with a minor elected official? Of course, there was not. Yet, they were mankind’s first recorded married couple. Perhaps Abraham and Sarah were united with the benefit of a religious ceremony. If they were, it was not important enough to mention in the Scripture. Further, the most well known mention of a wedding ceremony is when Christ turned water into wine. My parents were married 21 years. The day before Mom left, I was a believer; a prophet of the traditionally conceived marriage. On a Sunday evening on a New Year’s Day at 8:30 in the evening, it all came crashing down on and around me. My frame of reference was annihilated and the recovery and rebuilding effort commenced at once. Together, my parents had reared me with an exceptionally strong moral compass and deep, strong roots of a love for God. Those cornerstones of my foundation were mocked in an instant. In the flash of flirting eyes, my entire world had changed forever. I determined that marriage means more. A true marriage is about mutual self-respect, admiration, and friendship. It is a partnership of equals. A real marriage is a joint venture between investors. The success of the marriage is based on equitable contributions by both partners. The true marriage relies on action as much and more than it relies on emotion. And actions are as or more important than emotion. Marriage is not dependent on a piece of paper, rings or a ceremony—solemn or otherwise. Such things are important to society, your state government and the IRS. They may serve as potent symbols to the wedded couple, but symbolism is where they end. Too often, such symbols mean nothing to the couple. Too often such disregard for these symbols are portents for future tragedies of the heart. For me marriage begins long before the ceremony and ceases far in advance of a final divorce settlement. This is not to advocate adultery or common law marriages, but to illustrate the fundamental nature of a true marriage. In genuine unions, the hearts, minds, and souls are as one. The commitment, devotion, and affinity shared resonates from their inner selves. Their love for one another radiates whether they are together or not. When together, there are fewer finer sights to witness. To see the truly married couple is one of the most inspiring, reassuring, and invigorating moments a single person can experience. As we singles trudge through the dreary wilderness seeking our soulmates, the opportunity to see these paragons of real love, of true marriage, are many times the only sliver of hope we find. A veritable ray of light in the cold and harsh winter as we wait for our spring. We singles are grateful to God for those truly in love and truly married. At times, they are our only inspiration. They offer us a compelling reason to keep faith. Certainly the same couples have their problems. They disagree, they argue, they sulk, they disappoint each other. But, they overcome those challenges, persevering for the sake of one another and themselves. They are able to conquer obstacles larger than the highest mountain and the widest of rivers. Diamonds are brittle when compared to the strength of spirit and the shared love of the truly married couple. I wish I knew their secret. From all of the truly married I have had the good fortune and honor to know, it is clear they would love to know the secret themselves. No can explain it. This humble missive is merely an attempt to describe its attributes. To fully and truly comprehend the why’s and where for’s of how a true marriages exist, persist, and endure is beyond a mortal’s ability. Only God knows why. It is my closely held and sincere conviction that I will find “The One” for me. More deeply and more closely held, I know that long before an engagement, and longer still before a wedding ceremony that I will be truly wedded. Our union of souls will illuminate and warm all who venture near. Without equivocation, those singles who are fortunate enough to observe us will declare an enduring belief in the hope, faith, dedication to love. Posted by Adam H at February 24, 2004 05:42 PM ~ Link Cosmos | Trackbacks (0)Comments
Howdy -- saw over at Key's site that you wanted a link to the story about the "rejected" marriage proposal -- here ya go: http://www.nbc10.com/news/2867953/detail.html The page on that link to your take on marriage renders badly for some reason. Something wrong with that page perhaps? The rest of your site views ok. Posted by: Starhawk at February 28, 2004 07:21 AMPost a comment
 
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