November 13, 2003
Kiss Me Once, And Kiss Me Twice, And Kiss Me Once Again
Welcome to the weekly collection of the blogosphere’s best articles on relationships and the people involved in them!
If you have a post, column, or article about relationships that you’d like to see featured in the Kissing Booth next week, just email it to kissbooth-at-singlesouthernguy.com. Please include the title of your post, it’s perma-link, and sentence or two describing the piece. Entries are due by 6 EST each Wednesday. To submit a question for “Ask Adam” you can use the same email address(we still need one for next week).
And with a peck on each cheek, and a quick one to the lips, I present to you this week’s Kissing Booth!
The ACME Guide To Women
Does This Scarf Make My Ankles Look Fat?
Cry Me A River
Do I Need To Draw A Line?
From Whence Comes Little Fish
Parts of Passion
The Phone That Wouldn't Ring
Here A Man, There A Man, Everywhere a Man-Man
New Hair Day
Howdy, People Call Me Zeke
Finally, the weekly Ask Adam question comes from a good friend The Yeti. His query is, "What's the proper procedure for a first date?"
My answer is in the extended entry.
What's the proper procedure for a first date?
Well, Yeti, that’s a pretty open-ended question. I liked your discussion of how a date has to be guided, but not directed. It reminded me of the obvious situation I observed when visiting Altus, Arkansas, during the taping of Fox’s new reality show, “The Simple Life.” The producers created the scenario and then placed the subjects into it. It might be more appropriately described as improvised reality.
I see first dates as a very similar dynamic. When planning a first date, you are essentially setting a scenario up for you and your date to act out. The problem with this is something we’ve discussed often—the pitfalls of only putting your best face forward and not revealing your faults early on in the exchange of personalities. However, we all do it. We become the character we want the date to see or that we think the date might prefer. The only remedy to this is simple—your character must be you, who you truly are, razor cuts and all. If you are a gentleman, be that man. If you’re not a gentleman, don’t try to pull it off—you’ll end up looking disingenuous and most women can see right through it. You’ll have crashed during take-off.
Having established that, let’s return to the original question. Is there one cookie-cutter proper procedure for all first dates? I would have to say no. Each first date is different and could have a number of outcomes, all of which you should be prepared to face. However, in setting the scenario, it is important to try to place you and your first date in a scenario that is conducive to both of your strengths. Are you both athletic outdoors enthusiasts? Go for a hike or a mountain climb. Do you both have a deep appreciation for classical music? Go to the symphony. Do you both like to go clubbing and tear up the town? Hit a club. Clearly, there is any number of scenarios you can plan for your first date. The key is knowing enough about your date to plan an appropriate setting. Just like in public speaking you have to hold a clear enough understanding of your audience to clearly communicate. Only on a first date, the audience is you, your date, and more importantly the interaction between you and your date.
A clear understanding then guides the rest of the decisions such as bringing flowers, candy, what to wear, etc. As a general rule, I think a modest bouquet of flowers is a good gesture when it is clearly understood as a date. An added bonus would the inclusion of an item in that bouquet or with it of something you know the date likes, such as their favorite candy or something unique to them. Doing so demonstrates two things; first, that you cared enough to take time out of your day to secure the flowers, and, second, the inclusion of the unique item shows that you pay attention to detail and her special interests. Sadly, in modern dating the notion of bringing a modest gift and/or flowers is no longer a common practice. If you decide not to bring flowers, it won’t cost you any points, but you do lose the bonus points you could have scored.
Michael Williams -- Master of None linked with Kissing Booth
Jan's Liahona linked with Three Kisses
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