A Single Southern Guy in America

November 04, 2003

Different

I have had the pleasure of experiencing two meet-ups this week. While I have chronicled the Jawja Meet-up, I have yet to report in about the NaNoWriMo coffee I attended last Tuesday.

I was struck me this weekend by the stark difference in the disposition of the two groups. Both had the same basic premise: show up, we�ll visit. As we have already explored, the bloggers cut loose immediately and fully. I will grant that alcohol probably had a role in loosening our inhibitions. Yet, we were cutting loose like old friends even though we had never met (well most of us anyways). At the NaNoWriMo coffee, we seemed pensive and shy. Even fearful to discuss our ideas.

At the NaNoWriMo meet, I felt a little more nervous about attending despite that it was at a public place with two easy escape routes. At the Jawja meet, I had committed to staying in a mountain cabin, 19 miles from the nearest town. And I had no escape as I rode with someone else. Yet, I felt no nervousness or apprehension. Rather, I brimmed with excited anticipation and looked forward to meeting everyone. A year ago I would have thought myself insane for going to meet �some people I met on the Internet.�

I�ll also grant that I had at least a measure of a built-in comfort zone established, as two of the folks I had already met would be in attendance. Then again, I had met them a month ago under the same �sight unseen� circumstances. I felt the same way about that encounter as I did about the Jawja meet-up.

Even with these differences that could account for the alternative �feel� of the two groups, there was still something that seemed inherently different. I�ll play my trump card on being qualified to discuss these differences by sharing this vignette from the NaNoWriMo meet~~

Running late as usual, most of the other NaNoWriMo-ers had already arrived. In fact, only one other person arrived after me. I noticed their table sign as I walked into the Barnes & Noble Starbucks and got in line to get coffee. I cast several furtive glances towards the group and thought about how I would approach them and introduce myself. I felt as if I was being watched. I settled on simply smiling and saying, �I s�pose y�all are the novelists. Hi, I�m Adam.� Having paid for my vendi Gold Coast Blend, I turned and made the few paces over to the group.

Adam: I s�po�

Oh My God, Stacey?!

Stacey: Adam?!

Adam: Oh My God!?!

I paused for a second and noticed the puzzled looks of everyone save the utter shock currently displayed on Stacey�s and my faces. The two of us quickly explained that we had gone to high school and college together and we had not seen each other or spoken in over five years.

The next few minutes Stacey and I monopolized the group�s discussion with catching up while everyone else listened. At some point, I believe we both realized our conversation was dominating at the expense of the group�s discussion. We eased up so as to encourage the group to talk. Talk about small world, right?

To facilitate interaction, I asked what everyone�s story ideas were. No one spoke up. Mercifully, after a few seconds of excruciating silence, our group leader finally indicated whom should start and that we would go around the group. With each person, I tried to ask questions that would get him or her to share more. After this initial round, folks were much more apt to speak up. Until this point however, it seemed we were as likely to stare at our coffee cups or the floor as to discuss our novels, writing techniques, or any subject. By the end, we were throwing out lines from Monty Python and the movie Friday. We discussed gathering at a pub for a future meeting (much more blogger-esque!)

My point is that among the bloggers we were much more ready to immediately let our hair down and interact with each other than the NoNoWriMo-ers. My question is �why?�

In my opinion, the answer lies in the origin of the meeting, prior familiarity between the participants, and the presence or lack of an audience.

First let�s deal with the origin. The catalyst and details from this meeting came from posts on a message board. Unless someone had met others that had committed to being there (either in person, through instant messaging, emails, or by phone) an attendee had no inkling of what to expect. As I prepared to go, I had only dug deeper on one person�s NaNoWriMo profile. I had no idea who I would be meeting and there was only cursory familiarity with one other attendee prior to the meeting. Such prior familiarity is important, and leads us to the next point.

The prior familiarity we gain from reading other�s blogs changes the situation entirely. By reading someone�s blog, we gain significant insights into their personalities and psyche. When I first started reading the Yeti, he posted a lot of conversations. I realized he and I thought very similarly and experienced many of the same circumstances and encounters. There is a reason we both call each other a �long lost brother.� Going to the Jawja meet-up, I was familiar with many of the bloggers who were in attendance. In a sense, I felt I already knew them. Add to that the interaction of blogs via linking and comments and before you know it, you feel as if you have already enjoyed in-depth conversations. In reality, you have. Though the conversation may be unspoken, it is an exchange of ideas and thoughts using a common language. It is this prior familiarity that allows bloggers to hit it off upon the first meeting. The NaNoWriMo-ers could not have known each other nearly so well because they did not have the kind of interaction that bloggers enjoy on a regular and frequent basis. Through this interaction, bloggers gain readers who also begin interacting. Having readers and peers interact with you is the foundation for an audience.

In my opinion, many in the blogosphere hugely underrate an audience. Whether we claim to write just for ourselves, every blogger looks at their site statistics or other measures of their popularity. Want proof? Every time you read a blogger�s claim to write just for themselves and not care about their site�s statistics, go look and see if their listed in the Ecosystem or Technorati. Nine times out of ten, you�ll find them listed. They are because of the personal affirmation it gives us as a writer. All of us look at our daily visits, Ecosystem rating, or Technorati links as a personal affirmation of the words we put out there. We take comfort in the knowledge that there are people out there who actually care what we say and enjoy reading our missives. A Single Guy In The South has a humble following of a little over 300 visitors a day. I am incredibly grateful for each and every one of them. I appreciate every link that points to the blog or an individual post. Both the traffic and links represent that people are out there who appreciate what I�ve got to say. With that affirmation comes confidence. With confidence comes the empowerment or enabling to approach another writer or reader with a feeling of affinity. Most of the NaNoWriMo folks I met either did not have an audience or did not enjoy the diversity of peers and readers that a blogger enjoys. A blogger has the benefit of knowing that he or she already has an established base of readers and of interaction with their peers. Among most the NaNoWriMo-ers I met, there is not that built in self-assurance that having an established audience provides.

Sure one could posit that the NaNoWriMo-ers loosened right up after the ice was broken, and that is true. However, I saw the excitement in their eyes as they talked about their stories and people listened to them and asked further questions. It was the first affirmation some of them may have had that others valued their words. We all fear throwing out our words and having a crush of criticism. That�s why Acidman advises bloggers or potential bloggers to make sure they have a cast iron a**. Criticism will come and trolls will attack. Yet, the realization that others enjoy and value your writing is a special kind of rush that usually overwhelms the critics and the trolls.

That�s why I started a blog. You can read my first post here, and you�ll find that I started this site to eventually work on a novel or screenplay or something. After nine months of blogging, I have the self-assurance that I can write and that others enjoy it. It may not be a huge following, but my gentle readers and fellow bloggers are as good as gold and I wouldn�t trade them for anything. They have made me better and I hope I have helped them.

We bloggers are different from other writers. And, personally, I�m thankful we are.

UPDATE: Acidman says something about traffic.

Posted by Adam H at November 4, 2003 07:25 AM ~ Link Cosmos | Trackbacks (0)

Comments

You develop an intimacy with people online. A few years ago, ok lots of years ago, I played one of the early online real time games called Mega Wars 3.
When we finally met each other at a conference held by Compuserve in Columbus the scene was very much like that you describe with the bloggers. In a sense we were meeting people who were already old friends even though we had never met face to face.

Posted by: Starhawk at November 4, 2003 02:12 PM

well, i just think you had more "let your hair down" time with the Jawja because you were there just for fun and that's it... the writing meeting had an agenda... the second meeting would be much different....

did i just restate what you just said? I'm a little "off" today.

Posted by: h at November 4, 2003 02:19 PM

Actually, there was no agenda set for the NaNoWriMo meeting, though there was a designated leader. Course, you could say the Jawja meet had a designated leader in Acidman as well.

Posted by: Adam at November 4, 2003 02:30 PM

One small comment: a blog's being listed in Technorati or Ecosystem isn't an indication of whether or not the author is interested in his/her popularity. I'm listed in both though I have no idea why, and didn't even realize I was listed in Ecosystem until yesterday. I merely set my blog to ping "weblogs" when I publish - and all of a sudden my site's showing up in places I've never heard of.

An observation about NaNoWriMo vs bloggers:
Novel-writing is a one-sided relationship. The author writes a few thousand pages, and the reader buys the book and reads it - but has no outlet to respond to the author's ideas.

Blogging tends to be more of a two-way street, with many bloggers providing comment features, though there are a some who prefer to keep that discourse one-sided as well.

But if you're a one-sided writing kind of person, as I suspect many of the NaNoWriMo folks are, then two-way interaction, especially of the face-to-face variety, will likely be pretty uncomfortable for you. (and I don't mean YOU you, Adam, I mean the non-personal, abstract "you" at large.)

Posted by: kara at November 4, 2003 02:33 PM

ok.. i didn't mean agenda per say.. but more of a reserved environment was set for the novel group and more of a carefree let's party environment for the cabins... it's just different groups of people...

Posted by: ho at November 4, 2003 03:17 PM

I agree with Kara. Blogging IS a two-way street, and I felt as if I knew everybody who showed up at the meet from reading their sites. As I work on my novel now, I miss having comments about it. That novel is lonely work and blogging is not.

Plus, I believe that bloggers are just naturally more open than novelists or poets. We throw our shit on the web every day and live with the consequences. It's dangerous and exciting, but it's not like writing a book that no one will see until you're finished.

Blogging is immediate. Blogging is wide open. People who do it seem to have similiar personalities. No wonder we all got along so well.

Posted by: Acidman at November 4, 2003 03:27 PM

I dred the thought of meeting old girl friends from high schoool. especially unexpectedly :(

Posted by: owen at November 4, 2003 03:45 PM