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October 14, 2003Get the NumberIt happened over Monday Night football. As I sat watching the game playing Coors Light football bingo, I struck up a conversation with a platonic couple a few tables away. The initial discussion centered around whether a fumble coming from a sack subsequently recovered by an offensive lineman qualified to cover the “fumble recovery” square. Of course it did, I related. We covered our square. Later, they asked me to check their cards to ensure they had not missed a play. I inspected their cards, performed the appropriate corrective actions, and returned to my table. Later, they invited me to join them. Being the redheaded stranger in a strange town in an appealing sports saloon, I accepted and moved to the open chair at their table. We enjoyed the game and the young lady demonstrated a remarkable grasp of the game. Remarkable not for her gender, but for her breadth of knowledge that surpasses many of the males I know. They were of course from locales other than Atlanta. She said she was not surprised I was from Arkansas given my accent. The guy, as a younger man, had worked a summer or two in Fort Smith, Arkansas. We were having a grand time visiting and watching the Cowboys and Giants. And then. It was bound to happen and it did. A group of early twenty-somethings claimed the two tables in front of us. The group included a number of very attractive young ladies—three blondes and a brunette. They seemed to be the fairly typical young twenty-somethings, a trait not lost or appreciated by my new female friend. However, typical of males, my new guy friend and I took notice. Continue reading for a case study in how to get the phone number from the cold call. Their group interacted with us a bit, most of it stemming from them feverishly trying to catch on their football bingo cards late in the third quarter. My new guy friend astutely saw an opening and seized it. He eased in between a blonde and the brunette and began a personal consultation on which plays had or had not occurred. Merely by seizing the opportunity so deftly, I presumed him to be at least semi-skilled, perhaps a minor master of the infernal game of “dating as traditionally conceived.” It was particularly alluring to observe an informed practitioner because this fellow was truly a nice guy. When such a male recognizes and acts on the opportunity as he did, it portends a performance by a gifted dater. He was near my age, and I relished the idea of witnessing another guy with vast knowledge and experience of the game operate. I leaned back to watch. Alas, I was disappointed. After completing his initial mission, bringing the ladies up to speed on their football bingo, he returned to our table. I realized that I had made a new friend who could benefit from the tutelage of a veteran of the NotDating™ and Helping Folks Out © systems. A: What happened? New Guy Friend: What? A: Man, you were in there. Why didn’t you go for the number? NGF: I don’t know about all that. A: You were there. You were so in. The digits were yours for the taking! NGF: Well, I’m not really into gett— A: NoNoNo, hold up. Look, they are pretty girls, you’re good looking guy, single, you should have gone on and got the number. New Female Friend: GROAN A: (turning to NFF) I know, I know. Just hear me out. NGF: Man meeting girls in a bar isn’t really— A: Say no more, I’m with you completely. BUT, you so had the number if you wanted it. It’s way too easy. NGF: What are you talking about? A: Look, here’s the deal. These girls are 22, 23, 24 at the oldest and— NFF: I doubt it. A: No, really. Here’s how you can tell. See the blonde with the big boobs over there? NFF: Yeah. A: She has definitely been hit by the freshman fifteen—that’s probably when she went from a C to a D cup, but she’s worked some of it off and that’s how she looks like she does. She is at least 21 to be in here, and if you look close enough, through the makeup, you can see the first hints of crow’s feet at her eyes. Add to that the way she’s dressed. She’s obviously overdoing it so that she can compete with the younger more fit girls she expected to be up against. Observe Exhibit A: the plunging neckline to showcase cleavage. Minimum 22. Probably 23. NGF: Okay, I can buy that. A: So look, it’s way too easy to get the number. NGF: I don’t know, dude. A: Look, these girls are old enough to have been around the bar scene enough to know what to expect. They both look at me as I pause, allowing their curiosity to gatherand grow. A: Alright. The only guys who ever come and up and talk to unknown girls in a bar are the usual and typical arrogant, egotistical assholes that we all know and give us nice guys a bad name. The problem is most nice guys are terrified to go up on a cold call and approach a woman. That leaves them with only meeting assholes and skewing their opinions about men in general. A: At this point in their lives, the nice guy with enough self-confidence to approach them has the upper hand. NFF: Yeah right. A: Seriously. If you’re a nice guy, good looking, not drop dead gorgeous, just above average, a good sense of humor, which you have NGF, and you can carry on a conversation; getting the numbers, a date, dates, it’s all child’s play. Don’t get me wrong, she may well be out with the arrogant guy the night before or after, or shoot, the day or night of your date—but you can easily get the numbers or a date. NGF: I’m not sure about all that, man. A: Look you’ve seen Austin Powers right? NGF & NFF: Yeahhhh. A: Remember the fem-bots? NGF &NFF: Yeahhhhh. A: The nice guy that actually approaches does the same thing kind of thing to girls like these. Trust me. From experience. NGF: Well, it all sounds good, but I don’t know. A: I promise you, brother. It’s far too easy. Go get ‘em. NGF: Mannnn….. A: Alright, which one of them seems the most un-approachable at that table. NFF: The boobs girl. She’s been kinda scowling at some of the guys. A: Done. Watch and learn and believe. Oh, and watch my Shiner.
Bosom Blessed Blonde: Listen, I really want to tell you about this, but I have to go see what she’s going to win. A: Oh sure, go, go. I’ll wait. It immediately registered to me what was occurring. First, there is the test of “will he wait while I go do something for myself” which is related to the issue of whether a person is controlling or not. It is an ever so subtle power play acted out in a microcosm. It also is meant to demonstrate that she is an independent woman. Second, I note the omni-present ritual of “seeing what my girlfriends think.” I look back to my friends as she walked away. An amicable smirk was on both of their faces. It said very clearly, “Ha HA! Struck out didn’t ya big boy? Some expert.” A: (smiling) This is where the fun begins. Don’t worry, this is moment you turn them into fem-bots. I’ll get the number. Bother of their expressions said, “Uh-huh. Suuuuuuurrrrrreeee, you will.” BBB returned. I must have passed the two cursory tests. Regardless, I had already prepared my response. I stood as she took her seat, but instead of settling back into my chair, I remained standing and turned towards her. On the table before me, I had laid a pen and a piece of paper. A: I really want to hear about you London trip, and all of your travels, but I have got to get home. Eight o’clock comes early and I need to run. Could I get your number and we could get together sometime? BBB: Sure! She wrote her number down and slid me the paper. A: (looking directly in her eyes) Thanks so much BBB. It has been a pleasure. I’ll talk to you soon. BBB: Good. I’ll see you later. My hand slipped the piece of paper to my torso, near the solar plexus as I smiled back at her. I turned, took the two steps to our table. A: (Looking at NGF and NFF and holding the number for them to see) I told you it was too easy. NGF: You got it?! A: Yes, sir. Nothing to it. NGF: Dude! A: Look, there’s nothing to it. Just have faith in yourself and roll the dice. The worst thing that can happen is a woman shoots you down and 99% of the time that has nothing to do with you. Thanking them and expressing my great pleasure in meeting them, I took my leave and headed to my apartment. (To Be Continued...) Posted by Adam H at October 14, 2003 07:18 AM ~ Link Cosmos | Trackbacks (3)Southern Musings linked with Why men should be stopped Eric Berlin linked with THE CARNIVAL OF THE VANITIES Electric Venom linked with The Letter Of the Day Comments
Man.... you must do this often..... i hope you call that girl because if you don't that's numero dos (that i know about) that you got a number and didn't call.. which in turn, gives good guys a bad name because you get the number and don't call... you're contributing to the factor of men being called assholes.... :) not that i think you're an ass or anything. Posted by: h at October 14, 2003 03:31 PMSame one you know about Hol. Note which game I mentioned we were watching--Cowboys v. Giants. Last night was Rams v. Falcons. Posted by: Adam at October 14, 2003 03:36 PMI don't know what to say. You're right, so tell me why I've been so anti-game lately. I just play with the girls I meet. Literally. I think it has to do with learning too much too early. What's the point of finding another BBB in a bar? Let me guess. She'll think I'm funny, good-looking and a little dangerous. Or meeting a girl on-line. Let me guess. She's amazed at the way I express myself. I meet girls at a party. Let me guess. They want to know what I'm missing that I'm not married. My mother keeps asking me if I'm meeting any marriageable girls. The answer is no. Posted by: TheYeti at October 14, 2003 04:55 PM*sigh* I swear I'm not trying to bash you Adam, and I agree with some of what you say, but DAMN! Try rereading your post from a woman's perspective, and it comes across like you think all women are easy and stupid and are just waiting for you to walk over so they can fall on their backs with their legs spread. How do you KNOW this girl isn't "marriable"? You spent all of 10 minutes talking to her about superficial crap. Maybe YOU with your unrealisticly high standards, judgmental attitude, and hallucinations of "the one" wouln't marry her, but I bet you she's happily married to SOMEONE long before you are, because at least SHE is willing to put herself out there and take the risk on really getting to know someone new. The reason you can't and won't ever meet the one is because she doesn't exist in reality. Real women are flawed. All of them. And you come across like you really resent us for that. Sorry if I'm being harsh, but I don't think this is any more harsh than what you did to that poor girl by making her think you're a nice guy. Don't call her. Better she figure it out now than after she wastes a couple of hours with a guy who's just gonna dump her for not being the perfect girl of his dreams in the long run. Posted by: kara at October 15, 2003 08:11 AMI've gotta come the Single Guy's defense here... I don't think he's being a jerk. He's showing a friend with low self esteem that it isn't hard to get a girl to talk to you if you're nice. He's not trying to say that girls are easy. He's saying that making the move to ask a girl out or get her number doesn't have to seem like such a daunting thing. I fear that those jumping to counter the Single Guy have had too many encounters with the jerks who'll "nail her and never look back." But that's not the Single Guy's point here. He's specifically talking about the good guys. As he points out, women who've been around the dating scene for a while learn from their mistakes. They know when the guy at the bar is a jackass. What he's saying is that if you're a good guy, women will respond favorably. He's not suggesting that such is an easy way to get a woman into bed. He's suggesting that it's an easy way to get a conversation, a number, a date. Since NGF has also been described as one of the good guys, that's all he's looking for right now, anyway. This exchange is merely a decent guy trying to give his simliarly decent friend some confidence. OUCH!!!!! Now, hang on just a minute Kara. First of all, yes, Adam is picky... but he is NOT looking for a perfect girl. He is just trying to find someone that will compliment his mind, body and soul for the REST OF HIS LIFE! Yes, he does some shallow things, but so do you! Women are the reason why MEN are so picky now. Honestly, who wants to be with a naggin bitch the rest of their lives? NO ONE!!!!!! Adam may be picky, but when he finds "the one", that is out there mind you, she is going to be one lucky girl.... he won't cheat, beat, talk down to, etc. He will respect her and appreciate his having to wait on her.... i'm sorry, but if you are too wrapped up in yourself to see that, then you are missing out. Sure, the BBB might end up married before Adam, but she will also be ending that marriage before Adam.... I have been through HELL AND BACK... let me tell you now sweetie.... it's better to wait and never be married than to be married and miserable.... so step back and just respect the fact that Adam is wanting his marriage to last forever and to be with someone who he adores being around and an experience he will always treasure.... Posted by: ho at October 15, 2003 09:15 AMAdam, if you are truly picky, you would drop all hopes of ever meeting a "marriageable" woman in a bar. If you're only interested in dating "marriageable" women, then that means you would not partake in the activity of asking out women whom you meet in bars. Your post reinforces the reasons why, whenever a guy tries to pick me up a bar, I turn him down and walk away without any remorse for his feelings. Posted by: sugarmama at October 15, 2003 09:44 AMSugar--I am in complete agreement, note this from the post: NGF: Man meeting girls in a bar isn’t really— A: Say no more, I’m with you completely. BUT, you so had the number if you wanted it. It’s way too easy. Posted by: Adam at October 15, 2003 09:50 AMMatt, you said: "He's showing a friend with low self esteem that it isn't hard to get a girl to talk to you if you're nice." Does that really require a demonstration at the expense of that girl's feelings? She's expecting a call she won't get. Ho, you said: "Sure, the BBB might end up married before Adam, but she will also be ending that marriage before Adam." How do you know THAT? Do you assume because she's a busty blonde that she can't have true happiness or know true love? Like I said, at least she's putting herself out there. You also said: "it's better to wait and never be married than to be married and miserable" Yes, I know. I never said that Adam should marry the girl. But there's a difference between being selective and being unrealistic. It's my opinion that Adam's crossed that line. Sorry if I'm wrong. Adam, I know that you're looking for "the one". And I've told you my thoughts before on that. And maybe I'm misreading you, but it really does sound as though you resent all women just for not being her. Posted by: kara at October 15, 2003 10:32 AMAlso to 'Ho': You said: "Yes, he does some shallow things, but so do you! Women are the reason why MEN are so picky now." You don't know me, so you can't make any arguments about the supposed shallowness of anything I may or may not do. And making gross generalizations like "Women are the reason men are so picky" is a poor excuse for not taking the time to get to know anyone individually. Are men picky? How can one generalize an answer to that question? Some men are, and some men are not. I've met quite a few men that were so un-picky that all they were looking for was a heartbeat. On the other hand, Adam, do you have preconceived notions of what the woman you some day marry is like? That will cause you to have blinders. The best strategy is to keep an open mind and suspend all judgements. Your intuition will do the talking when you meet the right person. Posted by: sugarmama at October 15, 2003 10:50 AMAdam - AWESOME story man... See, I don't have the confidence to really do that, but at the same time I don't really care because I'm not at all interested in meeting someone at a bar. :) Posted by: Ryan Waddell at October 15, 2003 10:51 AMYou just never know what may happen. I met my husband at a "bar" over 9 years ago. We have been very happily married for 8 years. Not all people are drunks, nor or all people "nice". Time spent with a person is usually the ONLY way to find out a persons attributes. Posted by: rckymtnred at October 15, 2003 01:31 PMHell, I never said it's not possible to meet "the one" at a bar (or club, or pub, or whatever)... it's just that the likelihood of meeting said person out of the thousands of people you meet at a bar, where your selection criteria is pretty superficial (pretty much entirely based on looks, or MAYBE how they dance or carry themselves), is pretty much a crapshoot. :) Posted by: Ryan Waddell at October 16, 2003 08:03 AMAs someone who worked in bars and restaurants over the years, I think everyone here is overanalyzing the hell out of this situation. I doubt seriously BBB is waiting for a call, and if Adam did call she would be almost surprised. Meeting people in bars is a game for both sexes. It is stressful, but that is why there is liquor at bars, to relieve some of the stress. But it also can be fun, and rewarding. If BBB came home from the bar without giving her number to some guy, I think she would be surprised. If a friend that was not BBB gave a phone number she would be thrilled, this is natural selection. (For the record, I was in the thrilled to get a number category.) Kara, I'd have to say that I agree with you. Adam is not a nice guy. That doesn't mean I am saying he is a "bad" guy, either. Too often I see this "nice" guy vs. bad guy debate anyways. I don't know why so many girls seem to like dating jerks. Maybe its because they're young and like to have fun, and a wild guy that you wouldn't take too seriously is fun. Or maybe its because nice guys are too shy and "bad" guys have the confidence to come up to women. Some guys that used to be nice are spoiled by women who are amazed to find guys that are nice AND cute AND smart all at the same time. ANyway, Adam says that the girl will probably be out with an arrogant guy another night, but he is arrogant, himself, in the fact that he presumes to practise his "child's play" on a human being and believe it will automatically work. He also assumes quite a bit about the woman without even having spoken to her (not that people don't do this everyday, but some of his remarks were quite cutting -- esp. the ones that had to do with looks). What really amazed me is that women younger then 25 already had to worry about their youth. Lol. I'd have to say on some level you're right about him being dissatisfied. I picked that up too. I think A. likes to remain the "single" southern guy for a reason. I also think its annoying that so many normal guys think of themselves as these really nice people when they love to stereotype women so much...but I suppose all of us fall guilty. I hate frat boys. lol. Posted by: Catherine at October 17, 2003 03:02 PMWay too serious. And way too much nonsense. Adam isn't the type of guy to post this type of stuff - but I am. Get over yourself. All of you. Seriously. If you think Adam is an arrogant jerk, then you are ball-busting harpies who are so self-centered and bitter they couldn't do better in the man department that somehow venting on an advice post is your excuse to attack someone you don't know for all of the real and imagined slights you've received. You're hypocrites and liars. The last time I checked, the only innocent people in the game of love were children. Your advice is all about complaining - though would be complaining no ones talks to you if men didn't practice getting phone numbers. You act like getting a phone number is akin to grabbing a woman's skirt and flipping it up in a bar. Are you Amish? How the hell do you think smooth men get that way? They practice. On women who seek out men older than they for security and experience and stability. Your puritanical act isn't cutting it. Wise women know men. They know that the "romance" that women love to fantasize about is best with a rake. And they know a rehabilitated rake is the best husband. Don't take your bitterness out on Adam. I'm much better suited for it. Of course, I won't apologize to make you feel better. I'll post this on my site for you to vent more. Posted by: TheYeti at October 20, 2003 10:40 AMAnd the point is that there's something wrong with arrogance, ladies? At least you know what you're going to get. Nothing hidden here. hln Posted by: hln at October 20, 2003 12:57 PMI know I'm a few days behind, but couldn't resist- if you didn't call her, how do you know she didn't give you a bogus number? ;0) Posted by: Allison at October 21, 2003 10:50 AMInfo on Levaquin tablets online. Posted by: side effects of Levaquin at October 13, 2004 02:58 PMPost a comment
 
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