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October 04, 2003Talking Smack
However, we all used the same sources and were all too familiar with the subject matter. Rarely it seemed that the judges were well versed in the very issues we were speaking on. Many times it appeared that the judges graded on delivery and style rather than the logic of the argument and the factualness of the information presented. It was a lesson we all learned quickly-- so long as you say it like you mean it and like it is true, you can get away with adding anything. The structure of the extemp competition was such that you rarely heard another extemp-er deliver his or her message. You were too busy completing your speech in the allotted thirty minutes. The rare times I listened to other extemp-ers was when I drew the first slot in the finals and had no other events left to compete in. Then I'd sit through the other finalists and see what the competition looked like. Usually, the folks who made up information would be eliminated before reaching the finals round. However, a few times they wormed their way into the final round. My fellow ex-temp-ers and I would just boil at this person who had fully violated our unspoken bond of using the legitimate facts. It was our code and a pretender had made their way into our elite circle by being a charlatan. In our eyes, these people were little more than snake oil salesmen. Given all that, we also learned a valuable lesson about politicians, the media, and other public pronouncements. Until we knew the facts, we looked at most missives with a skeptical eye. However, for our non-ex-temp-ing friends, we also found a way to have a little fun. The mimes and the poetry readers were always the easiest to pull off our fun little schemes. We knew we could state something as fact, knowing it to be untrue and lead them along for a little while, sometimes fascinating them, and sometimes enraging them. Recently, with a good, good friend, I had the opportunity to pull our little prank once again during an IM chat.
(Ed. Note: The chat has been slightly edited for time and flow)
FOA: i figured of all people, you would know Adam: what do you mean? like what are they made of or what are they? FOA: what are they made of? FOA: i'm chomping away on them FOA: i prolly don't want to know Adam: they are slices of pig skin, deep fried in lard Adam: still not cheating on that diet, eh? FOA: nope FOA: no carbs in these bad boys FOA: were you being sarcastic? Adam: heh--check this FOA: what? Adam: getting url for you Adam: http://www.porkrind.com/index.htm FOA: what about it? Adam: scroll down to the 2nd section where it talks about pork rinds as a health food FOA: i found what you were talking about FOA: i eat about 10 pork rinds for a snack about twice a week FOA: i lost 8 pounds on this diet so far so i don't see what the problem is Adam: dr. atkins is dead because of this diet FOA: no he's not FOA: you modify it Adam FOA: i don't eat all red meat.... i eat tuna, fish, chicken, pork FOA: i even eat turkey bacon FOA: it's proven that your cholestrol can be lowered by this diet FOA: NEW YORK (CNN) -- Dr. Robert Atkins, creator of the high-protein, low-carbohydrate Atkins Diet, died Thursday after an accidental fall on April 8 left him comatose FOA: http://atkins.com/science/researchsummaries/cardiovascular_disease.html Adam: okay, to the link---OF COURSE it's going to say that on the atkins website---that's hardly an objective source FOA: ok, i'll find others FOA: you didn't deny my link for his cause of death Adam: and second the accidental fall came from a slip on an icy sidewalk which is directly linked to a reduced sense of equilibrium caused by a dietary shortage of carbohydrates Adam: thus he is dead b/c of the diet FOA: Atkins suffered a severe head injury on April 8 after falling on an icy sidewalk while walking to work. Last April, Atkins was hospitalized for cardiac arrest, which he said was related to an infection of the heart and was not related to the diet. FOA: Plus, Adam, he was seventy freakin two FOA: This year, his approach was vindicated in part by the very medical community that scorned him. In February, some half-dozen studies showed that people on the Atkins diet lost weight without compromising their health. The studies showed that Atkins dieters' cardiovascular risk factors and overall cholesterol profiles changed for the better. Adam: no, I concur that he died in the way your article reports, however, you have not challenged that his equilibrium suffered from the diet, thus enabling, perhaps causing his fall on the icy sidewalk FOA: that's ridiculous Adam: why is it ridiculous? FOA: your equilibrium can be off with a damn sinus infection FOA: you can talk yourself into it, i don't care, but i lost 60 pounds on it right after i had my little boy FOA: it changed my life FOA: and my cholesterol is LOW FOA: i monitor it Adam: of course, but carbohydrates have been found to play a critical role in the nervous systems production of gyrosphezytes which are the synapses of the equilibrium function in the ears and brain FOA: how do you know he was dieting at the time? FOA: i think it is ignorant to think that is what caused his death FOA: He underwent surgery to remove a blood clot from his brain Adam: look if you starve the body of the specific kind of food that it takes to produce the cells that maintain equilibrium then it is absolutely reasonable, and correct I might add, to understand that his very diet that while producing some healthful benefits, can also cause some unhealthy side effects which in his case perpetrated a lessened equilibrium leading him to fall on an icy sidewalk FOA: whatever you say FOA: i don't feel like arguing Adam: oh and another thing-- Adam: I just made all that sh*t up FOA: i figured Comments
"gyrosphezytes"?! Very good! I'll have to remember that since half the freakin' office is on Atkins. I've used 'Langer bit' for years. I made it up to answer the ever popular 'why does my computer not work' question. I'd just tell them 'rebooting must have reset your Langer bit'. It sounded much better than 'I have no idea'... Posted by: Howard at October 6, 2003 11:25 AMPost a comment
 
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