A Single Southern Guy in America

August 18, 2003

Leaving the Lake

Since I have posted nothing today, I’m just going to adapt an email I sent earlier to a good friend chronicling parts of, but mostly when we were leaving the lake.

This is a dry township anyway, so you cannot buy beer here any day of the week in stores. Instead you have to drive 12 miles to the only wet township in this county to get your beer. Except on Sunday where the sale of alcoholic beverages are banned by local ordinance. So, the bar here that I have mentioned is one of those loophole deals--it is a private, members only, not for profit club. Membership dues are $5. Annually. Luckily, my lake-going compatriot who we’ll call IBT was able to requisition about 10 beers from various sources. And true to the nature of the camaraderie of beer, when we had exhausted our initial supply of beer, the rednecks at the lake gave us some of theirs.

The only challenging situation we had at the lake was one of the group of rednecks (two women and one guy) wanted IBT and I to go back to their house for more beer and to smoke weed. When IBT and I got in the car she turned to me desperately—

“What do we do--I don't want to go smoke weed!”

So I told her to do the one thing she could do. Pull over, run down the levee, and go pee. Literally. I would wave them on and tell them we'd catch up. IBT agrees and rockets out of her door and goes blasting down the 60 foot tall levee, wipes out, rolls about 20 feet, lands on her feet, breaks her flip flop, makes it to the ditch at the bottom of the levee, gets behind a shrub, and is laughing hysterically the whole time she pees.

Meanwhile, I wave them on and they go to end of the levee and wait for us. Damn. They get in behind us I suppose to prevent us from getting away. What does IBT do? As I'm feverishly trying to put the flip-flop back together, she punches it. I glance over and note that we are in excess of 90 mph on a two-lane highway and the redneck girls are trying to catch us. I decide to focus on the flip-flop recovery in progress. We reach the country club neighborhood, flying over the hill by the mayor's house. The flip-flop is fixed. We get to a spot where the rednecks behind can't see us, and she whips into one of streets of the houses on the course. "We'll go over to my cousin's house and hide for a minute," she explains.

Sure enough they fly by after our turn and we hang there for a moment. I busy myself with calming her terrier that is shedding dark hairs all over my white t-shirt. She gets back in the car after talking to her cousin and we proceed to her house so she can change shirts since her tank top was now very dirty from her levee spill. At the house, she changes, and we're off to the bar.

I in my cowboy hat, her in her visor, me in my sandals, her in her repaired flip flops, we made quite a sight. Our resident cowboy hat wearer is there. I walk over to him and say, "just a minute, I want to hear it all." I order Tiny and I a round of beer and turn to cowboy guy and say, “Alright, go ahead, tell me how silly I look.” He wouldn't. Finally, he said, “I was going to, but it looks good, so I just cain't.” ( Heh. Whodda thunk it? Me in a cowboy hat)

Of course, I had worn it all afternoon in the water and re-shaped it some. Did you know cowboy hats don't float? It wasn't really one that I liked or disliked, it was just available and the closest thing to the one like Kenny Chesney wore in the video for “No Shoes, No Shirt, No Problem.”

And get this--from 3:30 till a little after 7, I sat facing the sun, no sunblock and didn't burn! That's the first time I've been to the lake all year. I am shocked.

Anyway, that's some of the highpoints.

Posted by Adam H at August 18, 2003 01:59 PM ~ Link Cosmos | Trackbacks (0)

Comments

Well, aside from the peeing on the levee and being chased by crazy rednecks, it sounded like a good time...Yeah, I'm still jealous. I want a lake, darnit! ;)

Posted by: Giz at August 18, 2003 07:31 PM