|
July 21, 2003Southern BellesBy Adam, Courtney, Kerry, Marci, Christy, Angela, and Ashley Ed. Note: When we talk about a Southern Belle, we must first define what we are talking about. I learned quickly from an amicable email debate with S, that our terms must be closely defined. The Southern Belle discussion describes the modern Southern Belle. Also, if you haven't already, please take a moment to read the Foreword. Later, please enjoy the discussion of Southern Gentleman. With that, let’s begin. Being a southern belle is not as simple as just being born in the south. It is much deeper than an accent. Some would argue that Texas girls do not qualify as Southern belles. Texas has a flamboyant, oil rich kind of aristocracy that Southern "old money" tends to denigrate. One of the central aspects of a modern Southern Belle is that her standing depends not on old money, new money, or money at all. The presence, absence, or longevity of financial security has no bearing on whether a woman is a Southern Belle. She does not equate personal worth with personal wealth. Unfortunately, too many websites pretend to list all the "rules to be a Southern Belle", which are really just good manners from old, dusty etiquette books no one bothers to follow anymore. Anyone can follow those rules, and still not come close to being a Southern belle. There is a misconception outside the South that a Southern Belle is a demure doormat. Most Southern Belles are tired of hearing the myth that men in the South hold back their women. She is not passive and submissive and rolls over when in the presence of the male species. A Southern Belles does not sit at home baking pies and hanging clothes on the line, or drinking sweet tea on the front porch in a swing fanning herself as she watches someone else complete the chores. Such depictions and stereotypes are altogether incorrect and misplaced. They illustrate a fundamental misunderstanding of a Southern Belle. To understand what a Southern Belle is requires knowing their origins, the way they conduct themselves, and their nature. We’ll discuss each separately. The synthesis of all of these and a thousand other wonderful aspects is what makes a lady a true Southern Belle. Keep on reading to learn more about that very special woman, a Southern Belle. Origins Like the nature versus nurture debate, the way a lady becomes a Southern Belle is not only her surroundings, her experiences, or her genetics. Just like Southern gentlemen, Southern Belles have different paths to becoming what they seek to be. Some are raised that way, some owe it to their sororities, and others are products of their grandmothers from wonderful little towns like Rolling Fork, Mississippi. As we learned from Felix’s comment, geography is not the most important aspect to being a Southern belle or gentleman. It is a mix of many things, but often there is a lineage, linkage, and a connection to the South. Place of origin is important, but conduct is by far a more compelling identifier of a Southern Belle. Conduct A Southern Belle is the kind of girl who knows full well that she can open a door for herself or even pull out her chair but prefers for the (gentle)man (romantic or platonic) to do it because it demonstrates a sense of respect with a little bit of royalty thrown in..... After all, every Southern Belle wants to be treated like a princess, or at least feel like she is worth the amount of energy it takes to do the above acts. A Southern Belle knows her manners and uses them constantly without thinking—her good manners are instinctual. Common words in her vocabulary are please, thank you, sir, and ma'am. She knows a good man when she sees one and comes to expect, no, DEMAND that she be treated well. A Southern Belle does not use vulgar language curse where others can hear her. She wears feminine clothes that may show a hint of leg or cleavage, but never bares all. Southern Belles appreciate the subtle hint of flirting and innuendo and despises boorishness of the blatant aggressively sexually man. She may use her wiles to get what she wants, but always in a transparent, good-willed, innocent way. When you call a Southern Belle, she always sounds happy to hear from you. Southern Belles know how to cook, and among their specialties should be cornbread and sweet tea. A REAL Southern Belle knows the recipe for both! Not only do they know how to cook, but they can present the meal they cooked as a work of art! Let's just say - they know how to make a can of beans and franks into a fine dining experience! A Southern Belle is about standards and expectations. Many women allow themselves to be treated wretchedly by the men in their lives. While she strives to make people around her feel special and cared for, she won't allow herself to be mistreated. No self-respecting Southern Belle would tolerate such untoward treatment. Southern Belles have dignity and pride in who they are and don't treat it lightly. She represents power without sacrificing the aspects of femininity that most women are still trying to acquire - gentleness, kindness, unselfishness, beauty, grace, and optimism. Southern Belles know how to pick their battles and when to stand her ground on issues that demand it. When she does, she knows when the proper time and place is. Southern Belles are a lot tougher than a lot of people give them credit for. Southern Belles endure a lot with a smile on their face. Many times they’ll smile when they really want to scream. A Southern Belle is powerful, but doesn't need to prove how powerful she is by jockeying for control with the boys, thanks to an abiding sense of self-esteem and self-worth. She's the feminist who can still turn a man's head without a slap. Nature They have a strong faith in God and strive to keep Him a central part of their lives. True Southern Belles are hard workers and fierce defenders of their family and friends. She's dedicated to them, often above anything else. Woe be to anyone that tries to harm either. Southern Belles are intelligent and clever, even if they don't have what my mother would call "book learning." They are decidedly conservative and have a good knowledge of what's happening in the world. They figure out how to make the best of what they've got and work to make things better. Just as Scarlet O’Hara vowed to rebuild Tara, they are resilient and resourceful. But that doesn't mean all Southern Belles are ambitious and accomplished. Even those who choose to stay at home are involved in their schools, churches, and communities. They make a difference to the people and places around them. She has a tantalizing allure, because of the hint of mystery she exudes. The mystique of the Southern belle is just that - the mystery of a soft-spoken, mild-mannered lady who could direct an army (as long as it was for a good cause). There is much more to being a true southern belle. The ladies and I have made a valiant effort at capturing at least a small part of the essence of these wonderful ladies. They are a special gift to be treasured. Unfortunately - they are a dying breed. May we all hope that the daughters of Southern Belles carry on their mother’s example and honor.
Comments
*golf clap* Adam and fellow contributors - GOOD JOB! It is good to be a Southern Belle! Posted by: Christy at July 21, 2003 01:38 PMI just DON'T understand why Texas is always left out. It's ok though, I would rather be a Texas girl than a Southern Belle any day and I don't have oil money in my blood. Well, maybe a little, but I haven't seen any yet. Posted by: h at July 21, 2003 01:47 PMSo what happens when the woman who “chooses” to become a southern belle discovers that the southern “gentleman” who courted her is a good-for-nothing cad? If the southern belle aims to be recognized by everyone as a lady, how do you propose she ask her man for a divorce? Although no self-respecting southern belle would tolerate mistreatment from her man, a fine display of good manners is still warranted. After all, she has her pride. Would she mail him a hand-engraved correspondence card in ecru-white kid finish to announce her intentions of leaving him? And how would she word her reasons and argue against his objectionable behavior? That should still strive to make the bastard feel special and cared for. Right? Is the belle allowed to call daddy (insert granddaddy or another southern gentleman here) to place a price on his head? That’s one way to keep her royal hands clean. BTW - while the belle is off on her purposeful social engagements, where are the kids? Who is training them to become southern belles and gentlemen? Is the southern belle dragging little Pollyanna and Bobby Joe to the DAR tea and garden club fundraiser? Or does she place them with a belle/gentleman trainer? How many belles have you met – who bake cornbread, make sweet tea, are honestly offended by (and not putting on a show) and never use vulgarities (movie dates would be relegated to G-rated films only), volunteer regularly with Junior League, are always appropriately dressed, attend church regularly, are updated on current events worldwide, and still find time to make you feel special? Do you know any? Because if so, I would LOVE an opportunity to interview her for a story (I’m assuming there’s only one out there somewhere). Scarlett O’Hara is fiction. The only lady that comes close to who you described above is Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis. Ladies--Any of you want to answer MALA? Posted by: Adam at July 21, 2003 02:41 PMWhy do you ask as if it completely impossible? I really don't understand....I do all those things (I made beans and cornbread for dinner the other day and I bake regularly), I HATE vulgar men and my husband can attest, I was a part of hospice volunteers, I am involved with my son's activities such as Baseball, martial arts, summer camps and school parties, I'm intelligent, uptodate on current events, I'm a religious and spiritual person, and if I show any cleavage, etc, it is purely on accident. However, I do like to dress nice, am not a stick in the mood, do watch rated R movies and am quite comfortable with my sexuality...am I missing something? Posted by: Marci at July 21, 2003 02:56 PMMy ex-boyfriend's mother, Betty, is a great example. She was an ADPi at SMU, and she worked at UT medical school after college. She married a doctor and has two kids. When the kids were little, most of her social and charity functions revolved around their school and activities. Once they were older, she began doing more charity work, particularly helping plan fundraisers and contacting people. She also joined an investment club, reads two newspapers every day, and plays mah jongg for quarters. Her personality and character are the best things about her. She's soft spoken, but when she speaks up, it's usually to crack a joke. She knows just about everything there is to know about everything, and conversations with her are never dull. She is incredibly selfless, especially when it comes to her family. She's the glue for her family. When I wrote my ideas about Southern belles, she was the first person who came to mind. Oh and her sweet tea is called "The Experience" by one and all. It's excellent. Posted by: Courtney at July 21, 2003 03:26 PMMarci, And ask men if they would define these ladies as southern belles and you'd get more of the same. Adam makes it sound like these ladies, these sublime creatures, are rare and hard to find. And that there is a distinction between the woman described above and the ellusive “southern belle”. I guess my point is that the definition propagates a search for a mythical character (someone who is larger and beyond life – who shines above the ordinary and mundane beings we encounter in daily life). God knows, Jackie O. had her fair share of problems, but the manner in which she dealt with them and chose to live her life defined her as a lady. However according to Adam and the southern belle definition a creature exists that better defines “lady” and better serves as an example for whom all females should strive towards. I want to know - aside from stringing ideal qualities together – who this woman, these women are (southern belles). It would have served him better to provide some real life examples and not women who exist only in the pages of fiction. M Posted by: Mala at July 21, 2003 03:38 PM"How many belles have you met – who bake cornbread, make sweet tea, are honestly offended by (and not putting on a show) and never use vulgarities (movie dates would be relegated to G-rated films only), volunteer regularly with Junior League, are always appropriately dressed, attend church regularly, are updated on current events worldwide, and still find time to make you feel special?" Mala, I imagine it is outside of your experience to believe that women like this exist. You must never have met my grandmother. She would have steered the conversation away from your boorish questions. Strange that it resembles a inferiority complex more than a reasoned cynicism. We are well aware that human beings have faults - Even our precious Belles and their gentlemen. Forgive us for continuing to hold them in high esteem and trying to emulate the best of our culture. It is doubtful that it would have "served Adam better" to do as you suggested. The simple fact that you feel strongly enough to denigrate his carefully thought-out presentation with sarcasm tells us all we need to know about your intentions. Jackie O certainly possessed a lot of characteristics of a lady. I for one don't plan to tear her down to make your point. Scarlett O'Hara was fiction. My great-great-great grand aunt was not. You ought to do some research on the time period. It might disabuse you of the notion that watching an old version of Gone with the Wind makes you an expert on Southern heritage. Posted by: TheYeti at July 21, 2003 04:19 PMYeti, From your tone, I assume you’re just interested in slamming northern culture. You presume too much about me and MY background. My point was that women DO exist that portray many of the characteristics that define “the southern belle” – however, said women do not all personally define themselves as such. Also, there are many contradictions in the so-called “carefully thought-out presentation” of the belle - that according to the definition such a woman would have to be ‘mythical’ in order to exist. “They’re resilient and resourceful, but not necessarily ambitious or accomplished.” I would argue that all “belles” would have to be defined as ambitious and accomplished. Their deeds, day-to-day activities, thoughts and sense of self would automatically define these ladies as motivated women. Only an ambitious woman would strive to wake up early, prepare breakfast, get the kids to school, read the paper, get ready, go to work/attend a charity function, appear gracious to friends/colleagues/strangers throughout the course of the day, keep her house in order, prepare dinner, prepare to participate in soccer games/dance classes/church functions/an evening social event, spend quality time communicating with her spouse, put the children to bed, and prepare for a new day. If that’s not an accomplished woman then what is? My boorish point is that women (the gender) do not have to be boxed into the “Southern Belle” definition to have those characteristics. It’s offensive to exclude entire states (and I am not a huge fan of Texas having spent plenty of time in Dallas). But to assert that there aren’t many gracious women in the state because of fast money – well, that in and of itself portrays an ignorance. Just as the definition of the southern gentleman only encourages a pipe dream…. An illusion…. No one is perfect. I appreciate Marci and Ashley's examples - as well as Courtney's portrayal of Betty. But in as such as they're defined, I don't see any characteristic that distinguishes these women as anything other than a fine example of a classy, well-informed, accomplished lady. The only characteristic that appears to classify them as a southern belle is their location - geography. If it’s in my nature to continue the pathology of common sense then so be it. M Posted by: MALA at July 21, 2003 04:55 PMmala "If the southern belle aims to be recognized by everyone as a lady, how do you propose she ask her man for a divorce? Although no self-respecting southern belle would tolerate mistreatment from her man, a fine display of good manners is still warranted. After all, she has her pride." Well, she'll probably do like my mother. She'll file for divorce, refuse to belittle herself by engaging in the nastiness that often accompanies the process, and refuse to take either alimony or child-support, preferring to stand on her own and take care of her children in a way that demands respect. Oh, and she'll raise her daughter to know that she can also stand on her own with dignity and pride. All without a rich daddy or grand-daddy for that matter. And, in my comments I sent Adam, I tried to make sure not to pigeonhole all Southern Belles as Junior League housewives. All the women I thought of while writing worked outside the home full-time. And they still did many of the things mentioned, like volunteering and cooking. I spent a lot of my youth thinking my mother was stupid to do all she did for us. Now I know she did it because she loved us. I'll never be half the mother and Southern Lady she was. Oh, and BTW, I can make cornbread and sweet tea WITHOUT A MIX, as well as dressing (NOT stuffing), fried green tomatoes, and a mean pecan pie. Just like my mother, her mother, her grandmother, and so on. I don't feel the need to show my cleavage or mid-drift to the world. I was raised by my parents to ALWAYS know what's going on in the world...and to have an opinion about it. While I'm having a crisis of faith about my denomination, we still pray before each meal. I volunteer when my schedule allows, and I make sure that my family and friends know I love them and they can count on me. All this while working full-time as computer programmer. We exist; we're just not politically correct. Posted by: Kerry at July 21, 2003 06:43 PMOh, and one more point: Maybe some people will take the essay as "Why Southern Women Rule and Northern (or Non-Southern) Women Suck." I never approached it that way. I looked at it as how some Southern women differ from other Southern women. Also, I approached it as correcting misconceptions about Southern women. Some people think Southern female=stupid, flighty pushover. Not the case. Posted by: Kerry at July 21, 2003 07:05 PMAs Yeti pointed out – I was being sarcastic in my first post as a clumsy attempt to make a point. I agree with your assertion that by your mother’s example, her life is one to strive towards (her strength, her values, her pride). But what distinguishes her as a “southern belle” specifically other than her geography? The single-mother in Montana who bakes from scratch (scoffs at the prepackaged cake mixes found in grocery stores), cans tomatoes, makes jelly and jam, whips up a container of fresh homemade ice-cream, who dresses tastefully, teaches full-time, advises the debate team after school, and teaches Sunday school – how is she different from your mother (well – beside the obvious geographical location and choice of menu selection - > I don’t think they drink sweet tea in Montana). And although your intentions were noble – to differentiate between various southern women and attempt to define a vague concept by compiling worthy characteristics and destroy the stereotype that has existed for as long as I remember – some people might argue that the definition is lacking because you’ve described a lady. The fact that she’s placed in the south is the only thing that characterizes her as the “southern belle”. And by asserting that those characteristics can ONLY belong to the belle – well is the woman in Montana less than? The woman in Nebraska any less of a lady? The woman from Maine? The one from Wisconsin? They’re ALL belles. As for correcting misconceptions – that’s a tall order…. especially since Hollywood insists on cranking out movies like Sweet Home Alabama and the like. Good luck. Perhaps there is a better definition out there… one that is very specific to southern culture. If not, I raise my glass to these notable women and call them ladies as they all are. And I’ll disagree with Adam one last time – I don’t believe the lady is a dying breed. So long as there are women like your mother, Marci, Ashley, Yeti’s grandmother, the woman in Montana, my mother’s next door neighbor, and my colleague Jennifer – women that provide a live example to follow, the lady will prevail. Kerry - I agree with you. I guess I am not considered a Southern Belle due to me being born and raised in Texas, but I do consider myself all of what was described as a Southern Belle PLUS some. I just happened to be born in the wrong state. I want to share with Mala about my experience. I was raised by my parents (married 35 years) in Texas. MY mother was a teacher, involved in PTA, can cook a mean Peanut Butter Pie, and so much more than I will never be able to be.... I am different. I Can do all of those things, but I can also stand up for myself (something my mother has had a hard time doing until all of the kids are out of the house). MY father was the perfect husband most of the time and I always wanted to find someone like him... who sent my mother flowers once a week, cleaned up the kitchen after dinner, was involved with his kids and respected our FAMILY. I thought I found that man. I started to plan a wedding and found out i was pregnant, we went on with the wedding even though the abuse had already started. I was pushed down when I was 7 months pregnant, called names every day, punched, and to top it off.... one of the girls he was fucking while married to me was in the delivery room because i thought she was my friend. How about that? So, instead of trying to "work things out" like my mother wanted me to do, I started to get my ducks in a row to leave his sorry ass. It took me a year, but I did and I did it on my own. I survived and moved 1200 miles away from my family. So, even though I am not a true Southern Belle, I am from the South and I think my generation of women are a little bit stronger than our mothers. We WON'T stand there and take it and we can be successful, accomplished, and educated. I finished my BBA in Performance Improvement Technology from Baylor while juggling a 1 year old, working 30 hours, and going through a divorce... all on my own. I guess this whole discussion comes down to what a man really wants. YEs, there are some Southern Belles that are pushovers and weak, but then there are some who are strong minded and won't take any shit. I just happen to be one of the latter, but that doesn't mean that I don't know how to compose myself when needed, bake a peanut butter pie (Served warm), make sweet tea, make a casserole out of anything that is handed to me, and still be involved in my family while holding a full-time job. I am one of those Southern women who could never be a stay-at-home mom. That just isn't me. I need my independence and to feel like I am pulling my weight in a relationship.... just happens that my weight in my current relationship is equal to the bread winner. I suppose if the right man came along, I could possibly be a stay-at-home mom, but I would have to have something of my own to do.... perhaps a business of my own... so, there's another perspective... from a Southern girl that has been through a bunch of SHIT and has even more ahead of her.... but, i will survive and i will make it... ON MY OWN. Posted by: holly at July 22, 2003 08:32 AMIf I may gently disagree with all of y'all, you're confusing a Southern belle with a Southern lady. Scarlett was the epitome of a Southern belle. Miss Melanie was the epitome of a Southern lady. And there's a world of difference between the two. As Rhett correctly observed, Scarlett was no lady. Posted by: Rita at July 22, 2003 08:54 AMI have no fight with Mala about Northern women. There are plenty of good ones and plenty of bad ones. Southern belles are special, because it is expected they do so, and they grew up in a culture that encourages them to be ladies. That it is difficult to do so is not a sign of the weakness of the myth, but of the importance of maintaining the good traditions and modifying outdated ones. Let me clear somegthing up. Sweet Home Alabama, Foghorn Leghorn, the Dukes of Hazzard, and Gone With the Wind are not good examples of Southern culture. Being proud of the South does not equate to hating the North. So why do people not from the South get so uptight when we toot our horns? What are they afraid of in those big Northeastern cities? D.C., New York, Philadelphia - if they're so great, why do citiznes of those fine cities feel such a need to attack Southerners? Could it be that the South is experiencing greater immigration from Northern regions? That electoral success of both parties is predicated on having a Southern leader? The South has risen! Okay, enough of that. Seriously, Mala, I think you just got involved in a little interfamily dispute. No offense was intended. But D.C. does suck. I'm going to stand up for Mala. I believe her point is that a lady isn't defined by geography, but rather how she lives. I was born and raised in the South (in fact, I live in Little Rock). I've never had a family member live above the Mason-Dixon line. I have a degree in history, but my specialty is Southern history...I've read countless journals, letters, memoirs, etc. kept by southern women, both before and after the Civil War. I'm well versed in Southern history. My dad's family would have been considered old money before the Civil War. I had no less than three gg-grandfathers who fought for the South during the Civil War and countless other family members as well - which to be honest, isn't necessarily a good thing. There are many things I identify with in Adam's description, but I do differ on a few things. I can make great cornbread and my fried chicken is wonderful, but I've never liked sweet tea. I am personally conservative, but socially and politically liberal. I believe women can do anything they want to do, but not all women are cut out for certain jobs - ie: manly jobs - some are, though. I have a firm faith in God, but am not a regular church goer. Although my mother, my grandmother, and several aunts loved being in the Junior League, it's never been an interest for me. I believe in saying please and thank you and addressing my elders as m'am and sir. I can define myself as kind and compassionate, but I can't really say that I'm mild-mannered or constantly nice. I am very strong and resilient, but I have my really bad days on occassion and on those days, I can be selfish and whiny (privately - I'm not crazy about acting out in public) and I don't feel guilty about it - I'm human. I love my husband and am blessed with a great marriage (no kids) and he is my priority above all else (as would be any children we may have), but I think that's human nature. My parents raised me to be polite, to pick and choose my battles carefully, to recognize that not everything in life is fair, so therefore I should learn to roll with the punches, to treat my elders with respect, to recognize that we never stop learning and most importantly, to respect diversity - in race, relgion, politics, and opinion. I do consider myself a lady and I always try to conduct myself as such. I guess I'm a little bit of a southern belle, but I prefer to be seen as a lady with manners and respect for others. I'm just not sure that I'm this way because of the region I live in - I was raised by parents who believed in giving discipline and teaching respect. And finally, I've never been one to shy away from a battle I felt was worthwhile - I just don't get intimidated easily. I will say, however, that I've had several male friends who have told me that Southern women are far more attractive than other women in the U.S. :) Posted by: Danyelle at July 22, 2003 09:10 AM"I am one of those Southern women who could never be a stay-at-home mom. That just isn't me." Same here, and boy does it make my boyfriend's mother mad! It probably didn't help that I told her I'd be perfectly happy for my boyfriend to be a stay-at-home dad. "The fact that she’s placed in the south is the only thing that characterizes her as the “southern belle”. And by asserting that those characteristics can ONLY belong to the belle – well is the woman in Montana less than? The woman in Nebraska any less of a lady? The woman from Maine? The one from Wisconsin? They’re ALL belles" My gosh, I think we're all beginning to take this a little too seriously! This was supposed to be a nice tribute to Southern women we admire. There wasn't anything said about women anywhere else - they weren't the topic. And I don't remember any bashing of non-Southern women. "Being proud of the South does not equate to hating the North. So why do people not from the South get so uptight when we toot our horns?" Good question. Maybe because so many people think we're supposed to be ashamed of being Southern. There's things about my home state that irk me (like the re-election of George Wallace, the new tax package), but there are lots of things about it that are good. "As for correcting misconceptions – that’s a tall order…. " I can joust with as many windmills as I want. Just because Hollywood thinks I'm a hick without a brain doesn't mean I have to give my implicit agreement by being silent. "I will say, however, that I've had several male friends who have told me that Southern women are far more attractive than other women in the U.S." Well, I'm not sure I'd say that, but I do know that, when I worked tech support, I got yelled at a lot less than the techs without Southern accents. Of course, I also got a lot of jerks that thought, because I'm a Southern female, I couldn't POSSIBLY understand their problem. They'd believe the males techs, who usually had to ask me for the solution anyway. Posted by: Kerry at July 22, 2003 09:43 AMSorry...that last sentence was meant to be a little facetious and off the cuff...there are attractive women everywhere... Posted by: Danyelle at July 22, 2003 10:21 AMI'm faring in late, but just wanted to note that this was not a Southern women who do A, B, and C are "better than" Northern women who do the same thing. I don't think this had to do with Northern women at all..... Did I aim to grow up to be a Southern Belle type? No. It just sorta fits. And I'm ok with that. Posted by: Marci at July 23, 2003 09:39 AMWhile reading this I grinned the whole time. Though I believe there are different types of southern belles beause our life positions shape us in different ways. I myself believe to myself to be a southern belle, however, potty words do exit these fair lips and on occasion I've been known to be naughty....but isn't that my innocent appeal? That I can batt my eyes and act like I was the most virginal of virgins? Just my quick two cents. P.S. I'm a Texan, and I think Texans are Cowgirl - Southernbelles.... Posted by: Ashia at July 23, 2003 05:05 PMyou cant be a southern belle if you arent southern. its not to say you cant have all these characteristics, or be the epitomy of all that a southern belle entails. but you are NOT a southern belle unless you're from the south. the old south. SC, GA, AL, TN, etc. also- one common misconception that i noticed here as well. southern belles do not behave the way that we do because of a man. we are born, bred, and raised to reflect these characteristics. yes, we can make cornbread and sweet tea, but we certainly dont do it because some man wants us to. maybe the southern ladies of old did this, but the new generation is much more independent. we do what we want, when we want, we've just been raised to do so politely! :) Posted by: carrie at July 29, 2003 12:01 PMOh to be a Southern Belle...my dream. ;) Posted by: Gennie at July 29, 2003 12:48 PMI have no idea if anyone would ever call me personally a "lady", even though I do strive to remember what my Mama taught me. But I *am* a bit miffed that some of Southern heritage would go out of their way to exclude the last state to fight in the Civil War (Battle of Sabine Pass) and continue the fight during Reconstruction with more local battles (Jaybird/Woodpecker War) by a pure dismissal of the fact that they have no Southerners there. I beg to differ. Teh very town I live in, indeed grew up in, was settled by Southerners. There were cotton plantations, and money as old as the Revolution being brought forth here as the Old Three Hundred was settled by Stephen F. Austin. And you need only read about Jane Long and her lineage to understand just how deeply Southern roots run in this wild frontier. As for those who had Texas filtered only through the snotty prism of Dallas, I am sorry for you. Houston is a much nicer city, as are San Antonio and all those little German towns in between. Old World mixed with new in a graciousness all its own. Posted by: Sharon Ferguson at July 30, 2003 10:51 AMAs someone who submitted my opinion that Texans aren't really considered SBs, I just want to say, I didn't mean that as a slight to Texans. I just don't really think of Texas as part of the "old South" or the "deep South". And yes my roots here in Texas take me back through Mississippi and Virginia (and Ireland and Germany). I guess this old tourist campaign captures it: "Texas: It's like a whole other country!" Posted by: Courtney at July 30, 2003 11:08 AMI found the reference to 'Rolling Fork, MS' very interesting... what's the basis for the reference? sd Posted by: southdeltan at August 7, 2003 10:45 PMhi, i just thought that with all of your extensive knowledge of southern belles, someone might be able to help me with a research project i've been assigned. my topic is southern belles in the 1930s, as background information for To Kill a Mockingbird. so, if anyone has any information about this, please let me know. thanks! First of all, Adam states, "that 'some' would argue that Texas girls do not qualify as Southern Belles." He did not say that Texas girls do not qualify as Southern Belles (to clarify). I am from Texas, and I am most certainly a Southern Belle. I have traveled to the East Coast many a time as well as many other parts of the country. It is only after my travels and knowing people from all areas of the country that I became aware that I myself, am a Southern Belle and it means much more than sipping tea, chatting with a southern drawl and moving around more slowly than people in other parts. In addition, my fiance is from Baltimore and graduated from Westpoint. I have friends spread from Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, Maryland, to California and CO. Why am I so confidant that I am a Southern Belle? Because, generally speaking, there is a distinct difference between the women in the South vs. other geographical regions, although there are, undoubtably, exceptions as there are always exceptions. Yes, ladies can be found throughout the United States, and the world, but a Southern Belle distinguishes herself by her manners, hospitality, politeness and emphasis on tradition, but not to say that a woman from New York is not hospitable or polite. Regardless of a polite NY woman, the difference is still more than apparent. However, it's a difference one has to experience otherwise he or she is unable to grasp the whole concept of a southern belle. Once one experiences the difference, he/she will no longer be ignorant and defensvie to the high esteemed term, "Southern Belle." Well, they won't be ignorant, but some might still be defensive or critical because they do not possess the quality of a Southern Belle upbringing and never will. I have not met one lady, yet, from any of the above states that I would categorize as a Souther Belle. Manners and tradition are the distinction. When you visit Mama's house, she will effortlessly ensure that you feel like you are at a bed and breakfast and like you are truly a part of the family. Family is never undermined by career, or shopping, or insignificant "busy"ness, but career can still be very important. I think when Adam used the word "ambition," he was probably referring to career-oriented. I graduated with a Bachelor's degree in Psychology, made $80,000 at twenty-six years old in the corporate world, owned a home and can probably safely assume that I am the epitome of an "independent" woman. Vist my home and visit someone's home in Maryland or Cali or New York or even compare me to a stereotypical woman "on the go" in New York, and you will see an apparant and distiguishable quality in me because of my traditional values and southern upbringing that very much defines me as a lady, but even more specifically, a Southern Belle. It's the manners, tradition, and politenes that exceed the normal, routine acceptable expectations of manners, tradition and politeness. I have yet to experience a lady, not from the South, who I would categorize as a Southern Belle. Again, I also want to reinterate that I am not implying or saying that a Southern Belle is a better woman than a Northern woman or any other woman. It's simply an inherent upbringing that the South possesses that does not exist in other parts of the country. However, all women from the South are not southern belles just like all Baptists or Catholics are not neccessarily going to Heaven. Only one who hasn't been fortunate enough to experience southern hospitality or meet a true southern belle can argue it. And, Adam is right, Southern belle's are few and far between. h - I see your point and I agree that ladies exist throughout the U.S., but you aren't "getting it," because you have yet to experience the difference. It's apparent that you have not met a true Southern Belle as of yet. Forgive my presumptioness, but you are not from the South or you would, more than likely, have encountered a southern belle by now and you would "get it". Posted by: Kristal at December 6, 2003 03:40 PMI believe that the real backbone of Southern etiquette is the idea of always showing respect and courtesy to those around you. A true "lady" tries to make those around her feel comfortable. In order to carry herself with grace in any situation, she must be both educated about and (more importantly) intuitive to what is expected. For anyone to exclude Texas women from the spectrum of "Southern Belles" based on a descrepency over financial heritage would be both ignorant and insulting. Although Texas has often represented itself as a western state, those of us east of Midland will tell you that Texas is (both historically and culturally) a Southern state. Two of my great-great-grandfathers fought for the Confederacy (one from Texas and the other from Georgia). I didn't go to cottillion and come out in two deb balls so someone could tell me I don't qualify as a Southern belle. Sorry, that was a little tacky, wasn't it? And this website is so cute. I've really enjoyed reading what yall have to say. Thanks! Posted by: Jennifer Rose at December 9, 2003 11:29 PMThere seem to be some quite strong feelings on this subject, and as the name suggests I have always been considered a "true southern belle". Most of the qualities you have listed are quite accurate, but if you will look at the one true example that all others are measured by, Scarlett O'Hara, the whole demure attitude is not always the case. Most southern belles are proper and demure to the public, but what happens behind closed doors and in the heat of anger and passion are often quite different. Most southern belles have a healthy sexual appetite, a fierce temper when things are not right, and know how to hold a grudge and settle a grievance. I am very pleased to see that so many people have taken an interest in this topic, because I have often been bombarded with questions about it. Anyway, I guess my point is, that like with any other stereotype there are misconceptions. Posted by: Scarlett at December 11, 2003 02:46 PMsouthern belles r ladies we love our familys and stand up for what we believe is right i think its all in attuide we can do all the things we have to do in the day and still be ladies we r girley enough that men open doors for us without us saying a word its the coolest thing to go to a store and just stand and have men opening doors for u its a respect thing its the princess thing we know what we have to do to make life work and we have bad days but when the day is done we hugg our kids and say i love YALL!!!!!!!!! smiles i think being a southern belle is the best thing in the world closest thing to heaven is the south Posted by: tennesseegirley at January 9, 2004 12:49 AMThe point is, Southern Belle's have a lot more strength and courage than anyone would care to give us. I am born southerner, but live outside the south now, and I thank the Lord every day for the manners I was taught in Georgia, Texas, and Alabama growing up. We have manners, kindness, faith, and hearts bigger than antyhing. No one was insulting Northerners, we're just giving justice to the name Southern Belle. And further more, Texan women are Southern Belles! It is rediculous to say that because they are "new money" that they don't care. It's not about money. Also, my mama, a true Southern Belle if you ever found one, cursed more than a few times a week. Cursing has nothing to do with it. Southern Belles have charm, and manners, but most of all kindness and courtesy. My daddy always said "Treat the bum off the street the same as you would the President." Godbless y'all.
Wonderful site!!! I have enjoyed my visit very much. Posted by: Glenda at March 9, 2004 10:24 AMI am a southern belle of Alabaman and DAMN proud of it. I have also raised a Louisiana southern belle an she is DAMN proud of it also. It is a state of virtue, a well meaning loving familial tie to the south. It is what bonds our heritiage. The cooking and sweet tea is a tradition that we pass on. I can be as sweet and naive as the next person...but no one will ever be the wiser of my true grit and determination. I am proper during the day and a hell cat at night with all the passion of a southern women. That is our mistique and why every man wants one. We are elusive to the present day because we are few and Southern Belle far between. Belles aren't for the Faint of Heart. We are Strong, Bold Women all Dressed up like Pink Cotton Candy. Posted by: Mary Gayle at March 17, 2004 06:23 AMMy step-grandmother (my mother's step-mom) is the epitome of a Southern Belle in my own personal opinion. She is 83 years old and has lived an awesome life. She lost her second-to-youngest daughter last year, but gained a step-daughter when my mother got in contact with her half-sisters. Granny has been through every terrible thing you could imagine. A husband who was the biggest of jerks, who continualy slept-around on her (With my own grand-mother to be precise), and who actually beat her on one occansion. Of course that occasion resulted in his getting the boot, but nonetheless, she went through it all with a smile on her face and a hopeful view for the future. She has 3 children, all girls. And through those children she has 8 grandchildren. Through my mother she has me, a 9th grandchild. One grand-child that was born with a horrible disease and has cared for her since birth. One of her grand-sons is homo-sexual. And another is termed a whore in today's society. Yet, through all of that she has actively participated in most Southern charities, her town concil, and the government (voting at each oppurtunity), and a devoted Christian. She has taken care of her children and grandchildren with love in her heart and a smile on her face. Through every tradgity she has always been the anchor of support for everyone, when there was no support for her. Just last month she was diagnosed with a form of cancer. There can be nothing done; her heart would not be able to take it. And while the family is scared to pieces and crying continuously, she stands there with a smile and trys to reassure everyone with that quiet way she has. There is no other like her and there never will be. I have never considered myself a Southern Belle, but I have had everyone tell me that I am just like my Granny. No. I'm not just like my Granny. I stand in awe of what she has done through her life and as much as I try to live up to her example, I will never be able to accomplish what she has. To Blanch Yeager Lowery. May all know you for what you are and all love what they find. Posted by: Janice at August 7, 2004 12:17 PMAll of this needs to be summed up with a male perspective (wink) I am a Southern guy (Texas) and can tell you that no matter what y'all have been talking about with regards to northern women possessing the same qualities but in different places, let me tell you. There are massive, sometimes unexplainable differences in Southern women as opposed to northern ones. It is a fact. I don't know how to sum these differences up, but they can all be seen clearly in about two seconds of meeting them. I am not saying that one is better than the other(although I prefer Southern) I am simply saying that there are large differences. My friend is a girl who just moved from Connecticut down to Texas and she is flabbergasted about the differences in society, mannerisms etc. She says that she now wants to be transformed in to a Southern girl. It's funny because there are differences. By the way, those of y'all who think Texas is somehow less Southern...come on. Read a book and put up the wild west movies for a second. I have lived in Texas my entire 24 year life and have lived in the South that entire time as well. As the lady earlier stated, Texas was the "Old South" how could we not be? The only "frontier" we had was in far west Texas, as the majority of the eastern half of the state was cotton and plantations. Texas had 200,000 slaves in 1860. If Texas wasn't the "Old South" with old Southern ways of life, what the hell were those slaves doing? roping? P.S.S. There is a lot of "old money" in Texas, to state the contrary is absolutely ignorant. Posted by: Matt Heermans at September 9, 2004 07:02 PMI was directed to this site via someone who considers me to be a true Southern Belle - I will attest that I have always considered myself as such and tried to carry myself in the manner. I however, am not my mother - mother is "Southern Belle" personified. I am merely an offshoot. Born in the South amidst grandmother, mother and many aunts and grand-aunts - my upbringing taught me to always be a young lady. A tomboy at heart, I quickly found out that I was truly a "belle" - it is born - it can be aquired I suppose - but I feel it is born in you. I moved to the North (NY) at an early age - spending all of my "vacations" in the South. As a young adult - I quickly learned that it was my inner "belle", that made me the center of attention and always won me the prize. I could go on and on - but I don't want to bore you - with the hows and whys concerning the differences between those who have belle and those who do not. Simply put belles are born... It is an innate quality(nature) some women have, and yes it is born of the South and you do not have to be a DAR to aquire it - and for lineage -perhaps it is apart of ones lineage, It is certainly apart of mine. Posted by: Belle at October 16, 2004 08:16 PMPost a comment
 
|
